


love, comment, and subscribe

by nothingunrealistic



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: (although you should read the comments here for plot reasons), Angst, Canon Compliant, Jared's Tech Inspect, M/M, Missing Scene, Roman Banks!Evan, Sky Lakota-Lynch!Jared, Social Media, Underage Drinking, bette midler and other larger-than-life dames, the moral of the story is Never Read The Comments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21997276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingunrealistic/pseuds/nothingunrealistic
Summary: Jared’s Tech Inspect has never been a popular YouTube channel. It’s just one guy looking at, and then destroying, a bunch of old technology. Nothing special.But since the start of this school year, the videos have gotten… weird.Like, really weird.
Relationships: Alana Beck & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Comments: 31
Kudos: 121





	love, comment, and subscribe

**Author's Note:**

> Many, many months ago, I watched [Jared's Tech Inspect](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkYWTvpIhZs) and thought "wouldn't it be neat to explore what other videos he might make over the course of canon?" Over a year later, here we are.

Jared’s Tech Inspect: Back to School Edition

27 views

**jared kleinman**

Published on Sep 07, 2016

In which I destroy a document camera, but not a lot.

[Video description: A video of Jared Kleinman, entering an empty room with gray walls and sitting in a white metal chair at a black table. He is wearing glasses and a purple short-sleeved button-up shirt over a gray T-shirt saying “1993.”]

Jared: “Hello again, Internet! It’s still me, Jared Kleinman.”

[“JARED KLEINMAN” appears on the screen in white block letters as he says it, then disappears.]

Jared: “Today, we’re celebrating the fact that I survived the first day of another year in the American educational system, and so did you. And if you didn’t, thanks for watching from the afterlife. Hope the Wi-Fi isn’t too sh**ty there.”

[The opening sequence plays, consisting of a black screen with “JARED’S TECH INSPECT” in white block letters with a “glitchy” effect and electronic music.]

Jared: “Today, we have just one item to inspect, but it’s a doozy. A good old-fashioned document camera.”

[“DOCUMENT CAMERA” flashes on the screen as he says it. Jared reaches to his left and brings a document camera with a red camera, red base, and black neck into view.]

Jared: “Actually, every teacher I’ve ever had calls this an Elmo. Probably because it’s bright red and supposed to help teach you about, like, the alphabet. Is it, can you tell I’ve never watched _Sesame Street?_ I was a deprived child for sure.”

[Jared flexes the neck of the document camera, bending it in half, then looks at the base.]

Jared: “Oh, it says on here, the _brand_ name is Elmo.”

[He holds up the base of the document camera toward the camera being used to film, showing “ELMO” in raised silver letters.]

Jared: “So I did learn something today. Mystery solved. New mystery: do these people care that their company is named after a Muppet? Have they gotten sued yet?”

[Jared examines the underside of the head of the document camera and taps on it with one finger.]

Jared: “This is like, probably acrylic, which means this is another episode full of plastic. And that this won’t cut my hand open if I break it, which is, uh…”

[Jared bends the neck of the document camera back and forth repeatedly.]

Jared: “…like, generally my preference. To not have my hand sliced open.”

[The neck of the document camera breaks, making a snapping sound.]

Jared: “Oh, that was fun.”

[He looks at both the broken ends.]

Jared: “This thing is full of wires. I don’t know what any of this does.”

[He picks up the half of the document camera with the base and turns it over.]

Jared: “There are screws on this, so I could open this and look at all the, the electronics that I’m sure are inside. If I had a screwdriver…”

[He hums the melody of “If I Were a Rich Man” from _Fiddler on the Roof_ for about six seconds, while still looking at the base.]

Jared: “But I don’t. That’ll have to be a secret forever.”

[Jared places both pieces of the document camera in the center of the table.]

Jared: “I learned a lot today, and I hope you did too. If you liked this, subscribe, and tell your friends. If you didn’t, well, sucks to suck.”

[Jared stands and hits the pieces of the document camera repeatedly with a paperback copy of _The Plant Recipe Book,_ causing them to break further.]

[End of video description.]

COMMENTS • 2

**Helen McArthur** 2 days ago  
Great video  
Reply • 1 👍 👎

**Darkshadow367** 2 days ago  
where did you get that???? those are so expensive  
Reply • 👍 👎

* * *

Jared’s Tech Inspect: Special Guest!

34 views

**jared kleinman**

Published on Sep 17, 2016

In which I inspect someone else’s tech and actually get their permission this time.

[Video description: A video of Jared sitting in the same room. He is wearing glasses and a red, short-sleeved button-up shirt over a gray T-shirt with a silhouette of Bigfoot on it captioned “KEEP TRUCKIN’”.]

Jared: “What’s up, gamers? It’s me, Jared Kleinman, and today I have a very special guest here to inspect some tech with me.”

[The opening sequence plays. Once it ends, Jared sits in silence for about five seconds, looking to the left of the camera.]

Jared: “I said, I have a guest here today to inspect some tech with me.”

Offscreen Voice: “I don’t know if I want to do this.”

Jared: “Dude, you already said you would do it. Just come over here.”

Offscreen Voice: “I don’t even know what to say.”

Jared: “You don’t have to know. We’re improvising, that’s the point.”

Offscreen Voice: “If people are going to see this —”

Jared: “I have, like, ten subscribers, and I’m pretty sure one of them is my mom. No one will see this.”

Offscreen Voice: “Fine, oh my God.”

[Evan Hansen enters the shot, pulling a swivel chair behind him. He is wearing a striped blue polo shirt and has a white cast on his left arm with “CONNOR” written on it. He sits down in the chair.]

Jared: “Introducing my longtime pal, Evan Hansen, who graciously agreed to join me today —”

[“EVAN HANSEN” flashes on the screen as Jared says it. Evan waves briefly at the camera.]

Evan: “Hi.”

Jared: “— because he was already at my house.”

Evan: “For, uh, a school project.”

Jared: “Right. Now tell everyone what we’re looking at today.”

Evan: “My phone.”

[Evan takes out a T-Mobile smartphone and shows it to the camera, while Jared watches him.]

Evan: “It’s a… it’s a T-Mobile myTouch, with 3G, I think? Or 4G — no, it’s 3G.”

[“T-MOBILE MYTOUCH” flashes on the screen as he says it. “3G” appears, then is crossed out and written over with “4G”, which in turn is crossed out and written over with “3G”, all timed to Evan speaking.]

Jared: “Translation: it’s old and weird and barely works.”

Evan: “It works fine, look.”

[Evan hands the phone to Jared.]

Jared: “This thing has actual buttons. And a trackball, holy sh**. [To Evan] I’ll bleep that out, don’t worry.”

Evan: “I wasn’t.”

[Jared examines the buttons on the front of the phone, describing them aloud.]

Jared: “Home, menu, start call, back, search, end call… wait, is that also the power button?”

Evan: “Yeah, it is.”

Jared: “That can’t be a good idea.”

[Jared turns over the phone to look at the back.]

Jared: “I could probably…”

[Jared places the phone on the table and presses down on it with one hand, holding it with the other.]

Evan: “What are you —”

[The back cover of the phone comes off. Jared picks up the phone, setting the cover down, and shows the inside of the phone to Evan, then to the camera.]

Jared: “There’s definitely some technology in there.”

Evan: “Wow, thanks, I didn’t know that.”

Jared: “Now normally, at this point in the program, I would try and break this.”

Evan: “What?”

Jared: “But I won’t today.”

[Jared hands the phone and back cover to Evan, who puts them back together.]

Jared: “Out of respect for Evan’s lack of a better phone, and also out of not wanting to be killed by his mom.”

Evan: “You’re just, you’re so thoughtful sometimes, it’s really amazing.”

[Evan rolls his eyes at the camera.]

Jared: “That’s all I had planned. If you enjoyed this, please subscribe. Unlike Evan, who still hasn’t.”

Evan: “I don’t really watch a lot on YouTube, it’s just, like, a couple channels that I like…”

[Jared slides down in his chair, pressing a hand to his chest.]

Jared: “Oh, God, I’ve just been killed. You all just witnessed a murder.”

Evan [Quietly]: “Oh my God.”

Jared: “To tell me, on my own channel, that you don’t like it —”

Evan [Laughing]: “You’re ridiculous.”

[Jared slides off of the chair under the table. Evan looks into the camera.]

Evan: “I don’t know how you end these things. Uh… have a good day?”

Jared [Offscreen]: “No day will ever be good again!”

[End of video description.]

COMMENTS • 3

**Tim Jones** 3 days ago  
What music is that?  
Reply • 👍 👎  
**View 1 reply**

**Darkshadow367** 3 days ago  
that phone is a DINOSAUR holy crap  
Reply • 👍 👎

**Helen McArthur** 3 days ago  
Very nice young man!  
Reply • 👍 👎

* * *

Jared’s Tech Inspect: Old Records

15 views

**jared kleinman**

Published on Sep 22, 2016

In which the title actually describes what I’m looking at for once, so I’m not gonna write it out again.

[Video description: A video of Jared sitting in the same room. He is wearing glasses and a purple, short-sleeved button-up shirt over a gray T-shirt saying “DON’T STOP BELIEVING” with drawings of flying pigs. A button showing a photograph of a young man’s face is pinned to the lapel of his button-up.]

Jared: “Hello, YouTubers. Jared Kleinman is back again, this time with the saddest sh** I could find in the bargain bin at the record store.”

[The opening sequence plays.]

Jared: “I own a record player, because I like my music to sound good, so sometimes I buy records. Usually from the record store around the corner. Which will remain nameless, because getting doxxed is not my idea of a good time.”

[Jared sets a stack of records in cases on the table.]

Jared: “And the cheapest records are also the ones that are, like, completely unplayable.”

[Jared lifts a record off of the stack and shows it to the camera. The case states that it is the original Broadway cast recording of _Hello, Dolly!,_ featuring Carol Channing.]

Jared: “First up, the original _Hello, Dolly!_ cast album.”

[“HELLO, DOLLY!” flashes on the screen as he says it.]

Jared: “From 1964, which is also about how many scratches are on this thing. Look at that.”

[He takes the record out of the case and shows it to the camera; it is heavily scratched.]

Jared: “I hear if you play this backwards, it says ‘Barbra deserved the Tony.’”

[He puts the record back in the case, sets it down, and picks up another record from the stack.]

Jared: “Next, _Bigger Than Both Of Us_ by Hall & Oates.”

[“BIGGER THAN BOTH OF US” flashes on the screen as he says it. He shows the record to the camera.]

Jared: “That’s true of a lot of things. Buildings… most cars… giraffes… this UFO on the cover…”

[He reads from the back of the record cover.]

Jared: “‘Do What You Want, Be What You Are.’ That would be nice. ‘You’ll Never Learn.’ Kind of harsh. ‘Rich Girl’ —”

[Jared stops speaking, takes a phone out of his shirt pocket, and sets the record on the table.]

Jared: “Oh, excuse me. I’m very in demand right now.”

[The screen changes to solid black with “TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES PLEASE HOLD” in white block letters. “Soul Bossa Nova” by Quincy Jones plays. This lasts for about thirty seconds.]

[The shot returns to Jared in the same room and clothing, but no longer wearing the button.]

Jared: “Sorry for that interruption. A waste of my time and yours. Sadly, I won’t be able to squeeze anything else into this video.”

[Jared takes the copy of _Bigger Than Both Of Us_ out of its case. The record is visibly warped. He hits it against the edge of the table, breaking it in half.]

Jared: “And don’t forget to subscribe.”

[End of video description.]

COMMENTS • 1

**smith45** 6 days ago  
Miss Channing is a legend of American theater and always will be. My Dolly for sure!  
Reply • 👍 👎

* * *

Jared’s Tech Inspect: A Very Special Episode

13,826 views

**jared kleinman**

Published on Oct 25, 2016

In which I have another special guest, this time for a Very Important Cause.

Links:

Website: https://www.theconnorproject.org

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theconnorproject

Twitter: https://twitter.com/theconnorproject

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theconnorproject/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/theconnorproject

Kickstarter: https://bit.ly/MemorialOrchard

[Video description: A video of Jared sitting in the same room. He is wearing glasses and a red, long-sleeved flannel shirt over a dark red T-shirt that says “RADICAL STATEMENT IN MODERN TYPEFACE.” The same button of a young man’s face is pinned to the lapel of his flannel shirt.]

Jared: “Hello, Connor Project Community and regular subscribers. I’m Jared Kleinman, treasurer and tech consigliere of the Connor Project, and today on Jared’s Tech Inspect, we’re doing a crossover episode.”

[The opening sequence plays.]

Jared: “Today we have another special guest joining us, and together we’ll be breaking old stuff to raise awareness for a good cause.”

[Alana Beck enters the shot, pulling a swivel chair beside her. She is wearing glasses and a dark blue sweater with pink and red stripes and a pink heart on one sleeve. She sits down in the chair.]

Alana: “Hey, everybody! I’m Alana Beck, co-president of The Connor Project.”

[“ALANA BECK” flashes on the screen as she says it.]

Jared: “As well as some other things.”

[A list of titles in white block letters scrolls rapidly up the screen, reading in order: “ASSOCIATE TREASURER,” “MEDIA CONSULTANT,” “CHIEF TECHNOLOGY OFFICER,” “ASSISTANT CREATIVE DIRECTOR/PUBLIC POLICY DIRECTOR FOR CREATIVE PUBLIC POLICY INITIATIVES/???”]

Alana: “Sadly, our other co-president, Evan Hansen, was busy today and couldn’t join us for this video.”

Jared: “I’m sure he was.”

Alana: “For those who may not know, The Connor Project is a student-run nonprofit organization dedicated to preserving the memory of Connor Murphy, a student from our high school who tragically passed away earlier this year, and to reaching out to everyone who’s ever felt alone or unimportant. This video is part of a fundraising initiative to make Connor’s final dream come true by reopening the local Autumn Smile Apple Orchard in his name.”

Jared: “The video will be cross-posted to the Connor Project website and all our social media profiles.”

Alana: “And you can find links to all of those pages, as well as our Kickstarter for the orchard, in the description below.”

Jared: “If you want to contribute, you can buy some of our commemorative items, like this.”

[He taps the button pinned to his shirt.]

Alana: “Or you can simply make a donation. Every amount helps.”

Jared: “Okay, let’s get to the tech. What do you have for us today?”

Alana: “Some old Betamax tapes from my grandma’s house.”

[“BETAMAX” flashes on the screen as she says it. Alana places a stack of Betamax tapes in cases on the table, while Jared looks into the camera.]

Alana: “Betamax was one of the earliest videocassette tape formats. But VHS, which was introduced a year later, was cheaper and had a longer recording time, leading to a format war that ended with VHS dominating the market and Betamax being totally irrelevant.”

Jared: “You see? This is an educational show.”

Alana: “So we might as well break them!”

Jared: “Absolutely! Let’s see one.”

[Alana takes a tape off the top of the stack.]

Alana: _“Star Trek: The Motion Picture.”_

Jared: “Nineteen… eighties?”

Alana: “Nineteen seventy-nine.”

Jared: “Right, yeah. Great rainbow motif right on the cover.”

[Alana takes the tape out of the case.]

Alana: “It looks like a smaller VHS tape, frankly.”

Jared: “And only one window.”

[She hands him the tape. He looks at it, flipping it around in his hands.]

Jared: “Even more plastic. It’s really the theme of the late 20th century.”

Alana: “Terrible for the environment.”

Jared: “Well, thank God we’ve thoroughly addressed that problem.”

[He holds the tape up to the camera.]

Jared: “I don’t really, there’s no clear entry point into this. I can’t just stick my hands in to tear it apart.”

Alana: “Can I see it again?”

[Jared hands the tape back to her.]

Alana: “There are screws in this, we could unscrew it.”

[She takes out a small multitool and unfolds a screwdriver attachment.]

Jared: “Is that a Swiss army knife or something?”

Alana: “It’s a multitool.”

Jared: “And you just carry that around?”

Alana: “Being prepared is very important.”

[Alana begins to unscrew one of the screws holding the tape together.]

Jared: “Okay, I’m not doing anything, I’m going to get a drink.”

[The shot cuts to Alana removing the last screw from the tape. Jared now has a plastic water bottle, mostly full. He takes a drink from the bottle.]

Jared: “Remember to hydrate.”

[Alana puts the final screw on the table with the other three and opens up the tape.]

Alana: “And here we have the inside.”

Jared: “Oh, this is exciting.”

[Jared takes one of the reels out of the tape. Alana pulls on the magnetic tape, unspooling it.]

Alana: “Oh my God, it’s all brown. [Laughing] I don’t think it’s supposed to look like that.”

Jared: “This is Barbra Streisand all over again.”

Alana: “I’m sorry?”

Jared: “Inside joke. Longtime fans of Jared’s Tech Inspect will understand.”

Alana: “Okay. Do we have time for any more?”

Jared: “We should if we just smash one instead of taking the, uh, surgical approach.”

[Alana takes another tape off the stack.]

Alana: _“Singin’ in the Rain.”_

Jared: “Older than my parents.”

Alana: “Do you mind if I break it, or —”

Jared: “No, yeah, go for it.”

[Alana stands and takes the tape out of the case.]

Alana: “This probably isn’t very safe.”

[Alana hits the tape against the table, causing it to shatter into many pieces.]

Jared: “Holy sh**.”

[Alana hits it against the table a few more times, then looks at the remaining piece in her hands.]

Alana: “That should be enough.”

Jared: “I guess the rain they were actually talking about was the, the shower of plastic shrapnel. Jesus.”

[The shot cuts to both Alana and Jared sitting again, with the pieces of the Betamax tapes no longer on the table.]

Alana: “That’s all for today.”

Jared: “Remember to like, comment, and subscribe if you had a good time.”

Alana: “And follow The Connor Project on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube.”

Jared: “And if you try this stuff at home and get hurt, don’t blame us.”

[End of video description.]

COMMENTS • 113

**free bird** 3 days ago  
BARBRA STREISAND (whoo oo oo hoo oo oo hoo oo oo hoo oo)  
Reply • 37 👍 👎  
**View all 2 replies**

**Cassie H** 3 days ago  
is it weird that i ship them after one video??  
Reply • 29 👍 👎  
**View all 18 replies**

**Joss Hartman** 2 days ago  
How is this supposed to help raise money for anything? And why are you raising money for an orchard for a dead teenager? That doesn’t help anyone.  
Reply • 26 👍 👎  
**View all 10 replies**

**Simon Spinner** 3 days ago  
1:22 “this simple feeling……. is beyond vger’s comprehension”  
Reply • 28 👍 👎  
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**butternut pickleball** 3 days ago  
this is definitely my favorite youtube channel  
Reply • 21 👍 👎

**Darkshadow367** 3 days ago  
“we might as well break them!” **carefully unscrews and opens the first one**  
Reply • 13 👍 👎  
**View 1 reply**

**smith45** 3 days ago  
“Singing In The Rain” one of the greatest American musical films featuring miss Debbie Reynolds and the late great GENE KELLY. shame to destroy it!  
Reply • 16 👍 👎  
**View all 2 replies**

**Ned’s Reclassified** 3 days ago  
You should try to break a NOKIA phone and find out if they’re really that indestructible  
Reply • 9 👍 👎  
**View all 3 replies**

**Ian Grimes** 1 day ago  
wait does that button have that dead guy’s face on it?????? and you’re selling it????? the fuck  
Reply • 12 👍 👎  
**View 1 reply**

**Jessica Greenwood** 12 hours ago  
Oh my god this was so cute I loved it  
Reply • 14 👍 👎

**Tim Jones** 3 days ago  
Rainbow motif huh? Interesting………………………..  
Reply • 14 👍 👎  
**View 1 reply**

**Helen McArthur** 3 days ago  
Wonderful to see friends joining you!  
Reply • 8 👍 👎

**whitneigh** 2 days ago  
This video made me want to break a betamax tape with my bare hands  
Reply • 6 👍 👎  
**View 1 reply**

**Ewen Becker** 3 days ago  
do a furby next  
Reply • 9 👍 👎  
**View 1 reply**

**Jenna Gallegos** 3 days ago  
bring evan back!!! he was really good  
Reply • 6 👍 👎

**View more comments**

* * *

Jared’s Tech Inspect: 1,000 Subscriber Special

14,582 views

**jared kleinman**

Published on Nov 01, 2016

In which I answer questions instead of actually inspecting anything.

[Video description: A video of Jared sitting in the same room. He is wearing glasses and a green, long-sleeved flannel shirt over a white T-shirt that says “Oh God, I pierced the toast!” An open MacBook is on the table in front of Jared, with the screen facing towards him.]

Jared: “Hello, subscribers and others. It’s Jared Kleinman, back again, and today, instead of inspecting tech, I’m answering all your burning questions.”

[The opening sequence plays.]

Jared: “After my last episode, I got a lot more subscribers. Like, a lot more.”

[A line graph labeled “Subscribers Over Time” flashes on the screen; the line is mostly flat for a period spanning several months, then spikes at October 2016.]

Jared: “And you all left a ton of comments! Along with the people who watched but didn’t subscribe, because they hate me or something. So now I’m responding to those comments.”

[A screenshot of a YouTube comment from “Darkshadow367” reading “where did you get that???? those are so expensive” appears in the upper left corner of the screen. All other comments read throughout the video also appear in this format.]

Jared: “Starting with an old video! Darkshadow367 wants to know where I got that document camera from a couple months ago, because ‘those are so expensive.’ Great question. My dad’s a college professor, and that was his document camera until it stopped working and he gave it to me. He thinks I sold it on Amazon.”

[A comment from “Cassie H” reading “is it weird that i ship them after one video??” appears.]

Jared: “Cassie H asks, ‘is it weird that I ship them after one video?’ meaning me and Alana. Yes, it is.”

[A comment from “Ian Grimes” reading “wait does that button have that dead guy’s face on it?????? and you’re selling it????? the fuck” appears. The middle two letters of “fuck” are heavily pixelated.]

Jared: “Ian Grimes says, ‘wait does that button have that dead guy’s face on it? And you’re selling it? The f**k?’. Ian, the thing to keep in mind here is that there is no ethical consumption under late capitalism, so just do whatever. Except for using that many question marks, because that’s just annoying.”

[A comment from “Ewen Becker” reading “do a furby next” appears.]

Jared: “Ewen Becker wants me to ‘do a Furby next.’ Nice and vague. I think if I tried to destroy a Furby, it would also try to destroy me, first, so I won’t do that.”

[A comment from “smith45” reading “Miss Channing is a legend of American theater and always will be. My Dolly for sure!” appears.]

Jared: “Smith45 says that ‘Miss Channing’ — that’s Carol Channing, for anyone out there who’s just, like, woefully ignorant of history — ‘is a legend of American theater and always will be. My Dolly for sure!” Well, smith45, she is a legend, I can’t argue with that. But I have to disclose, I did buy a ticket for the revival, and if Bette Midler doesn’t win the Tony I will personally destroy this camera setup, and you’ll never see a video from me again. Tragic, I know.”

[Jared looks closely at the laptop screen, and scrolls down for about one second.]

Jared: “Oh, look, someone just left a new comment on this one. Love the devotion.”

[A comment from “shedlord” reading “that’s gay lmao” appears.]

Jared: “Shedlord says ‘that’s gay.’ Shedlord, congratulations, on inventing time travel and coming here right from 2007. The Nobel committee will call you any day now.”

[Jared continues to scroll down.]

Jared: “Most of these comments are constructive, or funny, but a few of them are really… And I know some of you commenters are, like, thirteen. Where are your parents? Shouldn’t you be playing Minecraft?”

[A comment from “Jenna Gallegos” reading “bring evan back!!! he was really good” appears.]

Jared: “Jenna Gallegos says, ‘bring Evan back! He was really good.’”

[Jared closes the laptop and looks into the camera.]

Jared: “Hey, Jenna. I can tell you’re a longtime fan. As you know, this show is called Jared’s Tech Inspect. Not Evan’s Tech Inspect, or even Jared and Evan’s Tech Inspect. This is my gig, not his, and he’s way too busy and uninterested to make guest appearances every single week. We’ll just have to find some way to carry on in his absence. Capice?”

[Jared looks at his left wrist as if checking a watch. He is not wearing a watch.]

Jared: “And that’s all we have time for! Like this video, leave a comment if you can do it without being rude, and subscribe to my channel.”

[End of video description.]

COMMENTS • 158

**Ewen Becker** 4 days ago  
coward  
Reply • 58 👍 👎  
**View all 4 replies**

**kingdom spades** 4 days ago  
he likes musicals hates capitalism AND effortlessly destroys homophobes? i sense a gay icon  
Reply • 42 👍 👎  
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**Karkalivion** 3 days ago  
Me when I’m definitely not mad that my friend won’t agree to be on my youtube channel again  
Reply • 27 👍 👎  
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**Alana Beck** 4 days ago  
Friendly reminder that there are two weeks left for our Kickstarter to build the Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard! Donate here: https://bit.ly/MemorialOrchard  
Reply • 29 👍 👎  
**View all 2 replies**

**smith45** 4 days ago  
You make an excellent point about Bette ! Excited to see her return to the GREAT WHITE WAY for the first time in fifty years  
Reply • 10 👍 👎  
**View 1 reply**

**Ian Grimes** 4 days ago  
do you think this is funny??? you’re profiting off some kid’s death and making jokes when anyone tries to criticize you. how do you think his parents feel about this??  
Reply • 15 👍 👎  
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**Jenna Gallegos** 2 days ago  
he responded to my comment but only to crush my dreams???? I don’t know how to feel lmaooo  
Reply • 11 👍 👎  
**View all 2 replies**

**Darkshadow367** 4 days ago  
man I REALLY hope your dad doesn’t watch these videos (seriously thank you for answering though!)  
Reply • 9 👍 👎  
**View 1 reply**

**Helen McArthur** 3 days ago  
Lovely answers but I miss the old days! Would be a delight to see your friends again  
Reply • 12 👍 👎  
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**Glenda Griffith** 8 hours ago  
Sick of all the baseless speculation I see in these comments. A stranger’s personal life is not yours to theorize about…  
Reply • 11 👍 👎  
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**whitneigh** 1 day ago  
WHO is leaving bad comments about you I’ll fight them all  
Reply • 8 👍 👎  
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**Tim Jones** 4 days ago  
Fewer editing effects than usual I see  
Reply • 7 👍 👎  
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**Gina Morris** 4 days ago  
Honestly the button thing is kind of fucked dude  
Reply • 5 👍 👎  
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**canus jars** 3 days ago  
okay so like…………. he’s gay right?  
Reply • 3 👍 👎

**Geiger Countertop** 3 days ago  
That Cassie person is so stupid lmao  
Reply • 3 👍 👎

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* * *

Jared’s Tech Inspect: A Vlog

23,961 views

**jared kleinman**

Published on Nov 10, 2016

In which I get out of my chair for once

[Video description: A video of Jared sitting in the same room. He is wearing glasses and a yellow, long-sleeved flannel shirt over a black T-shirt that says “If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0” and holding a white mug that says “WORLD’S MOST AVERAGE DAD” in black letters.]

Jared: “Good afternoon, motherf**kers. I’m Jared Kleinman, and today we’re going on an adventure.”

[The opening sequence plays.]

Jared: “My parents have vacated the premises for a long weekend, and I’ve got a camera that can go anywhere I like. So let’s take a tour of this house and see what technology we can see.”

[The shot cuts to a front view of Jared as he walks up a carpeted staircase.]

Jared: “We’ve been in my basement this whole time. If you’ve ever wondered about that, now you know.”

[He takes a drink from the mug in his hand.]

Jared: “And if you’re wondering what’s in this, don’t, because it’s none of your business.”

[The shot cuts to a large kitchen with an island. Jared is no longer visible in the frame, and speaks from behind the camera instead.]

Jared: “Here’s our kitchen. Not much that’s, that’s technologically interesting, unless you count my dad’s KitchenAid with a thing that shreds cheese. I don’t even know where it is.”

[“KITCHENAID” flashes on the screen as he says it. Jared moves forward in the kitchen. The camera focuses on the stove, which has a glass cooktop.]

Jared: “What’s cooking? Nothing!”

[He laughs for about three seconds.]

Jared: “Wait, there’s one thing —”

[He moves to a drawer next to the stove, puts down his mug on the stove, and opens the drawer. Its contents include serving spoons and forks, tongs, pie servers, ice cream scoops, and a small calculator, which he takes out of the drawer and holds up to the camera.]

Jared: “A calculator!”

[“CALCULATOR” flashes on the screen as he says it.]

Jared: “Old and crappy. Pretty sure he used to use it for converting recipes, to different amounts, you know, but it doesn’t even work anymore, look.”

[He presses a few buttons on the calculator. The screen flickers but doesn’t fully turn on.]

Jared: “Useless. I feel that.”

[Jared puts the calculator back in the drawer and closes it. He picks up the mug and moves from the kitchen into a dining room, which has a large table, six chairs and a cabinet with glass doors. The cabinet contains several bottles of wine and other liquors. One door of the cabinet is slightly open. Jared pushes the door closed with his elbow.]

Jared: “My bad.”

[He moves from the dining room back into the kitchen, and through the kitchen into the living room. The living room contains a coffee table, a couch and chairs, and a large flatscreen TV.]

Jared: “I don’t know why I went upstairs for this, all our video games and old cassette tapes and sh** are in the basement. Wow, look, a flatscreen TV, so cool, never saw one of those before.”

[The camera swings around to show the entire room.]

Jared: “You know what, let’s go up to my room, not like anyone else will be there. Probably something good somewhere.”

[He moves through the living room and a front hallway, and begins to climb a hardwood staircase. About halfway up the staircase, the camera jerks and falls downward, stopping on a closeup shot of one of the stairs.]

Jared: “F**k me.”

[Significant jostling and spinning of the camera, until it settles on a shot of the staircase.]

Jared: “Tripped and dropped the camera just there, in case you couldn’t tell, but I think… yeah, it’s still working. And I didn’t spill my drink, so I’m a winner here.”

[Jared continues up the stairs, reaches the landing, turns right, and walks down a hallway with doors on either side. He enters a bedroom at the end of the hallway, containing a single bed, a nightstand, a desk with an office chair, a beanbag chair, and a dresser.]

Jared [Attempting a British accent, in the style of a nature documentary]: “The habitat of this reclusive creature is truly a sight to behold.”

[He moves to the desk, focusing the camera on a computer monitor on the desk and a stack of textbooks in front of the monitor.]

Jared: “Old Dell monitor that I hook up to my laptop sometimes.”

[“DELL MONITOR” flashes on the screen as he says it.]

Jared: “It’s good for writing research papers and, uh, things like that. Not a lot of use lately, though. Which is why it’s dusty as f**k.”

[Jared sets the mug down on the desk. He zooms in on the monitor and drags a finger along the screen, leaving a clear trail in the dust on the screen.]

Jared: “Don’t do that, touching computer screens is bad.”

[He zooms out again. A framed photograph of Jared and Evan, standing next to each other with their arms around one another, is now visible next to the monitor. They appear to be significantly younger than their current ages. Jared reaches forward and flips the photo frame so that it is facedown on the desk.]

Jared: “Ugh… [unintelligible]”

[He turns and moves toward the dresser. The shelves over the dresser contain several dozen records in jackets.]

Jared: “I’ve got more vinyl than a shower curtain wholesaler thanks to the good people at Bop Shop Records.”

[The camera shakes slightly.]

Jared: “Oh, my bad. That was the name of a real store half a mile from where I live. I sure hope no one uses that information to come to my house and murder me while I’m here alone, that would be just terrible.”

[He focuses the camera on a record player near the dresser. A record is on the turntable.]

Jared: “Don’t remember what this was…”

[He turns the record player on and lowers the tone arm. “Rose’s Turn” from _Gypsy_ begins to play. Jared doesn’t speak for about ten seconds, then begins to sing along, quietly and somewhat off-key.]

Jared [Singing]: “Why did I do it? What did it get me? Scrapbooks full of me in the background… give them love and what does it get you? What does it get you? One quick look as each of them leaves you… all your life and what does it get you? Thanks a lot and —” [Speaking] “Ugh.”

[Jared raises the tone arm and turns the record player off. He turns the camera around to point at his own face.]

Jared: “That’s all for today, and probably the rest of the month too. Don’t forget to… uh… vote. That sounds right.”

[End of video description.]

COMMENTS • 260

**How the Gunch stole Christmas** 8 hours ago  
he is SMASHED  
Reply • 92 👍 👎  
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**Gina Morris** 12 hours ago  
Shouldn’t you be raising money for that Connor project thing instead of making stupid Youtube videos like literally anyone cares  
Reply • 65 👍 👎  
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**Jenna Gallegos** 11 hours ago  
okay he HAS to be drunk right???  
Reply • 32 👍 👎  
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**Zergboid** 8 hours ago  
Are we gonna talk about the calculator in his KITCHEN?  
Reply • 29 👍 👎  
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**Ewen Becker** 11 hours ago  
u mad bro?  
Reply • 24 👍 👎  
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**Joss Hartman** 12 hours ago  
Nice work trying to distract from your “““nonprofit””” but it isn’t going to work, we all know you’re stealing people’s money so Evan Hansen can keep up his creepy little relationship with Connor Murphy’s sister.  
Reply • 31 👍 👎  
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**kingdom spades** 9 hours ago  
this isn’t the inspirational content i expect from the connor project executive board, zero stars  
Reply • 22 👍 👎  
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**1937 National Park** 5 hours ago  
There’s no way there isn’t alcohol in that mug  
Reply • 14 👍 👎  
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**Darkshadow367** 9 hours ago  
ngl i kind of miss when this was just about breaking stuff  
Reply • 17 👍 👎  
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**Grant Webb** 10 hours ago  
Connor Murphy did NOT know Evan Hansen. Search “Connor Murphy email timeline discrepancies” and any site will tell you the same. The Connor Project is duping millions of people and Jared Kleinman is complicit.  
Reply • 15 👍 👎  
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**free bird** 11 hours ago  
someone tell me when is it MY turn??? don’t I get a dream for myself??? starting now it’s gonna be MY turn!!! gangway world get off of my runway!!! starting now I bat a thousand!!! this time boys I’M taking the bows and  
**EVERYTHING’S COMING UP ROOOOOOOSE**  
Reply • 12 👍 👎  
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**Tim Jones** 12 hours ago  
Looks like a 4k television to me!  
Reply • 9 👍 👎  
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**Third-Wisest Human** 6 hours ago  
CONNOR MURPHY DEATH LIE PERPETUATED BY EDUCATED STUPID SOCIETY! ADULTS EAT TEENAGERS ALIVE, NO RECORD OF THEIR DEATH. KILLING BLOW ARRIVES NOT FROM THE SELF BUT FROM THE OTHER  
Reply • 10 👍 👎  
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**smith45** 11 hours ago  
Is that Ethel Merman?  
Reply • 8 👍 👎  
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**Helen McArthur** 12 hours ago  
I don’t think you’re taking very good care of yourself these days and it worries me  
Reply • 7 👍 👎  
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* * *

livestream

44,729 views

**jared kleinman**

Streamed on Nov 11, 2016

i don’t fucking know

[Video description: A video of Jared sitting in the same room. He is wearing glasses and a blue and gray hoodie over a red T-shirt with the Flash’s logo on it, both wrinkled. His eyes are slightly bloodshot. The entire video is a single, continuous take.]

Jared: “I bought this online a couple weeks ago.”

[Jared takes out a T-Mobile smartphone and slams it down on the table.]

Jared: “T-Mobile HTC myTouch with 3G. Piece of shit Android that no one in their right fucking mind would want.”

[Jared flips the phone over a few times.]

Jared: “But what do I know? I’ve never had one of these. Maybe it works just fine.”

[He holds the phone up to the camera, displaying the screen.]

Jared: “Maybe it’s great at making calls or sending Snapchats or… or writing emails, whatever. But whoever used to have it just decided, you know what, this isn’t good enough for me, I’m upgrading to an iPhone 7 and now this thing is just an inconvenience to me and I’m going to get rid of it however I can, I don’t care what happens to it.”

[He looks at the phone without speaking for about five seconds.]

Jared: “The guy who sold me this wouldn’t care if it ended up in a million pieces. So that’s what I’m going to do for you all. You’ve been begging me to break something, so you’re gonna see something break.”

[Jared sets the phone down on the table, gets up from the chair, and walks offscreen.]

Jared [Offscreen]: “Where did I…”

[Approximately twenty seconds of silence, except for the sounds of objects being moved. Jared returns with a paperback copy of _The Plant Recipe Book._ He hits the phone several times with the book. The sound of glass breaking is heard. He continues hitting the phone with the book for about thirty seconds. He stops, takes his phone out of his pocket, and sets the book on the table.]

Jared [Quietly]: “Jesus, what now?”

[He looks at his phone, tapping the screen.]

Jared [Reading from his phone]: “Dear Connor Project Community…”

[Jared sits down in the chair and looks at his phone for about two minutes without speaking. Occasionally he appears to be mouthing words from something he may be reading. He briefly places one hand over his mouth.]

Jared [Muffled]: “Oh my God.”

[He looks up from his phone and at the camera.]

Jared [Somewhat shaky]: “Fuck, is this still on?”

[He stands up, walks in front of the table, and reaches toward the camera.]

[End of video description.]

**Comments are disabled for this video.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me on Tumblr @nothingunrealistic.


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